01. You MALAY call each other 'BODOH' for fun, and too 'BODOH' to realize it's an offensive word.
02. You're the LAZIEST person on God's earth.
03. Always update with "lagu-lagu A-minor", "lagu-lagu rindu" and "wayang hindustani".
04. Always give a very long honourable speech start from Duli Yang Maha Mulia, Tan Sri, Puan Sri, YB-YB, Yang Berbahagia Datuk, Datuk-Datuk, Datin-Datin, Tuan Haji, Tuan Pengerusi Majlis.. and last sometime least...."rakyat jelata" sekalian......."terlebih dahulu saya ingin membuka majlis dengan asalamualaikuwaramatulahiwabarakatu......"
05. Many Malay ended at "pusat pemulihan dadah" for common drug abuse.
06. "Air sirap" is the cheapest drink you can afford.
07. You like to tease and act perverted when someone with sexual appeal passing by.
08. You self proclaimed from a superior race (Arabs).
09. You love to eat, especially FREE FOOD.
10. Malay favourite quote = REZEKI JANGAN DI TOLAK.
11. Malay least favourite word = JANJI MELAYU.
12. Your girls got a mouthfull of chicken's ass (loudmouths).
13. You can't stand it and always keep on staring at someone who are better dressing / looking rather than your back-dated looks.
14. You wear your shirt more than 4 times before wash it.
15. You feel it's not right to eat first before everybody gets their meal (while your meal is getting cold).
16. You got that annoying habit of wanting people to acknowledge you.
17. You know for the fact that you are supersticious (bomohs and dukuns).
18. You know for the fact that Malay jokes are decently lame and you always force yourself to laugh when other malay joker telling their lame jokes.
19. You always try to take advantage on other people work..
20. You are trained to be a sweet talker.
21. You love to offer drinks to your boss while polishing his shoe.
22. You always pick on juniors.
23. You don't care if everyone in your class/office know for the fact that you are lazy.
24. You are very protective on your seniority.
25. You are quite a slow thinker.
26. You prefer to borrow people's stuff rather than buy it, but hardly return it back.
27. You also always use other's property without asking permission.
28. Many of you are not sincere when making friend with non-malays.
29. You always waste your time in the public phone talking about "janji-janji manis", "omong- omong kosong", "aku hidup dalam blues", "Hindi superstar" and "cinta-sayang". (these are direct quotes...)
30. Malay most popular ambition... * to the public = "ingin menjadi seorang insan yang berguna" * in reality = to be a clerk, despatch, factory worker
31. Gossip are number 1 favourite past time.
32. Malay favourite magazine are URTV, Mangga, Jelita, Remaja and Variasari.
33. Mark as "bangsa pendengki" by other race in Malaysia.
34. When someone giving a speech, a Malay usually will nod their head (kepala terangguk-angguk) not to show that they understand, but just simply to act that they understand in a serious manner.
35. Deep in the eyes of Malay, the meaning of "TERSIPU-SIPU BAHASA" and "MALU-MALU KUCING" are..... * GREAT APPETITE WITH A VENGEANCE.
36. Malay got less friend from other races because... * Malay are too proud of their own language which makes them stuck-up * Malay also ignore that other etnic groups and foreign people are willing to learn to speak in Malay while got other knowledge in other language. (so now you know why this email is written in ENGLISH)
37. In Malaysia, people said "wear condom and don't forget to take a bath with Dettol if you make love to a Malay".
38. An example of a Malay with good grades =STRAIGHT C-MINUS
39. A Malay boss are known as * intimidating his staff * Sexual harrasing & Blackmailing * Welcome more family member and friends to join the company * Corruption * Always bring company's item home for personel use.
40. Malay, as the biggest population in Malaysia, are always feels threaten with the minority Christian in the country.
41. Malay chicks always dream to have sex with White Man but always ended get f*ck by their own species. (Im sorry if this offended you, but it was a promise)
42. Most babies found in the bushes and dustbin are Malay.
43. Most adultery/incest cases are by Malay.
44. Most divorce cases are by Malay couple.
45. Most yuppie wannabes are Malay.
46. Malay man got the habit using sink/wash hand area to rinse and wash their penis mostly in their bathroom, hostel and also in the public toilet.
47. Malay love to make fun at people who use toilet paper to wipe ass because they love to touch their sh*t with their hand. 48. Malay knows that other races could not dare to eat malay food not because of the spices but because the food was process by their ass-wiping-hand.
49. Malay use toilet paper in Malay restaurant / food court / warung to wipe customer's mouth and hand.
50. A typical malay Ready-to-wear..... * a long, torn jeans, * a T-shirt * a pair of loafers 51. Malays can't live without rice and chilli.
52. A malay who check in a foreign hotel will cook their food inside the hotel room with water boiler and a portable mini cooker to save cost.
52. Malay knows their favourite fast food......KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN hot and spicy.
53. Malay will eat fried chicken and burger just like in the manner of eating rice with hand "one hand lean on the table, slouching head to the plate and other hand with finger close to each other to enter mouth".
54. Malay toilet always smells like "petai".
55. Malay love to remind people to have their morning shower but they themself always ended up having a BO in the afternoon. (BO=body-odour)
56. Backstabbing are malay greatest asset.
57. Cheating in examination or test are heredity.
58. Malay favourite brand are G.A Blue Jeans, Lady-like Jeans, a fake Ray-ban.
59. Upper class Malay favourite brand are the cheapest Versace t-shirt, Malboro Classic sometimes fake sometimes not jeans, an old fashion (erik estrada CHIPS) Ray-Ban glasses and a discount sales Mark and Spencer.
60. Weekend are racing paradise for "Mat Motor".
61. Malay never learn to accept people's opinion as a giude or challenge.
62. You feel that you had to support Moslem terrorist just because their are Islam and not because their are a serial killers. 63. Malay favourite living concept = BIAR PERUT KOSONG ASALKAN RUMAH CANTIK MACAM ISTANA.
64. The only musical instrument you can play is a GITAR KAPOK.
65. You Malay will pretend to ignore and deny that you are typical.
66. You MALAYS dreaming to become rich, but not by hard working or studying BUT with ALL KINDS OF SKIM CEPAT KAYA and STUPID MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING BUSINESS.
67. Dont have money but always want to action - buying cars like Waja, Wira and other expensive cars while you know you can only afford a KAPCAI.
68. Parents very rich but still go overseas using govenment scholarship. Go overseas to enjoy and not to study.
69. You will start to wondering about yourself after reading this.
Bagus jugak ada orang bukan Melayu yang pikir macam nie, pasal kalau Melayu sendiri cakap akan dibalas (Macamla Kau Tu Baik Sangat!!) Betul Tak???
Monday, March 12, 2007
Air Sembahyang
Seorang ulamak sedang berada di dalam sebuah kapal terbang untuk ke sebuah negeri. Apabila tiba waktu solat, dia pun ke tandas untuk berwudhuk. Oleh kerana tandas di dalam kapalterbang terlalu kecil, maka beliau terpaksa membuka pintu tandas itu ketika berwudhu.
Tatkala beliau mengangkat salah satu dari kakinya ke tangki (washing basin), seorang peramugari telah ternampak perbuatan ulamak itu dan menegurnya.
Peramugari: (dengan suara dikeraskan..) Tuan tidak boleh memasukkan kaki ke dalam tangki tu, sebab ia akan mengotorkan tangki. Ulamak: (dengan suara lembut dan penuh rendah diri...) Berapa kali saudari mencuci muka saudari dalam satu hari?
Peramugari: (dengan sifat angkuh...) Kebiasaannya sekali atau dua kali dalam sehari. Ulamak: (dengan sifat bersahaja....) Saya mencuci kaki saya lima kali dalam sehari, bererti kaki saya lebih bersih dari muka saudari.
by Tok Rimau
Tatkala beliau mengangkat salah satu dari kakinya ke tangki (washing basin), seorang peramugari telah ternampak perbuatan ulamak itu dan menegurnya.
Peramugari: (dengan suara dikeraskan..) Tuan tidak boleh memasukkan kaki ke dalam tangki tu, sebab ia akan mengotorkan tangki. Ulamak: (dengan suara lembut dan penuh rendah diri...) Berapa kali saudari mencuci muka saudari dalam satu hari?
Peramugari: (dengan sifat angkuh...) Kebiasaannya sekali atau dua kali dalam sehari. Ulamak: (dengan sifat bersahaja....) Saya mencuci kaki saya lima kali dalam sehari, bererti kaki saya lebih bersih dari muka saudari.
by Tok Rimau
22 Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
LALALALA,LALALALA ELMO"S WORLD
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
LALALALA,LALALALA ELMO"S WORLD
BANJIR DI KOTA TINGGI
Kesian aku tengok orang kampung bini aku... gambar yang terpampang kat surat khabar kebanyakannya kawasan yang selalu aku lalu ngan bini aku untuk berdating sebelum aku kahwin ngan dia dulu. Banjir gelombang kedua nie makin teruk pada penduduk kerana bila surut gelombang yang pertama, mereka cepat-cepat bersihkan rumah untuk beraya haji dan X-Mas (kalau sempat), tapi malang.
Kerajaan pulak bagi RM100-RM200 setiap keluarga...mana cukup beb! Duit berbillion-billion bagi RM100 je... Penduduk dikawasan sekeliling pulak (yang tak kena banjir) ambil kesempatan menyamar jadi mangsa banjir untuk dapat bantuan.
Mengikut keterangan mak mertua aku... ada 2-3 orang kuat area tu (Felda Sening-jauh dari bandar Kota Tinggi dan tak banjir) Bawak balik sardin, lampin pakai buang, susu etc. Tilam pun ada. Pas tu bangga cakap ngan orang ramai dia dapat sardin banjir, tilam banjir.
Bodohla!
Tak pikir ke orang lain yang rumah dia musnah teruk. Sampai yang langsung takde... tinggal tapak je. Bantuan pulak tak sampai ke tangan yang betul-betul patut dapat. Mangkuk nie sedap-sedap je belasah hak orang... siap bagi kat kengkawan lagi.
Satu lagi sedara aku kat Sri Medan, besan aku gak. Dia nie pun mangsa banjir jugak, tapi sebab rumah dia nie tinggi. Dapur je masuk air. Masih boleh lagi tidur kat rumahla. Tapi kereta rosakla. Dia pun mengalah untuk tidak tidur didewan besar dimana semua mangsa banjir ditempatkan. Sebab kesian kat orang yang lebih teruk dari dia. Tapi nama dia tak tersenarai sebagai orang yang patut menerima bantuan sebab dia tak tidur didewan. Mana boleh macam nie beb.
Nie cerita dari mak aku plak. Syukurla rumah aku kat Muar tak kena. Kalau tak abis semua koleksi komik aku (dah simpan lebih 10 tahun) Nie cerita kat tangkak plak. Bantuan sampai tapi tak diagihkan. Tersimpan kat rumah ketua kampung. (Nak bagitau nama tapi tak tau). Sehinggakan mangsa banjir yang duduk kat dewan dah boleh balik... tapi barang tak diberi jugak. Bertumbuk mak aku cakap. Kalau nak menipu pun janganlah jadi ketua kampung yang bodoh macam nie. Barang bertimbun-timbun, orang nampaklah.
BODOH!!!
Nie gambar yang aku dapat kat kat e-mail. Kalau gambar yang ada copyright tu halalkan ajela... bukan aku ada untung pun.
Kepada mereka yang banyak duit tak tau nak buat ape tu sedekah-sedekahle...Jangan asik nak kesian je!
Kerajaan pulak bagi RM100-RM200 setiap keluarga...mana cukup beb! Duit berbillion-billion bagi RM100 je... Penduduk dikawasan sekeliling pulak (yang tak kena banjir) ambil kesempatan menyamar jadi mangsa banjir untuk dapat bantuan.
Mengikut keterangan mak mertua aku... ada 2-3 orang kuat area tu (Felda Sening-jauh dari bandar Kota Tinggi dan tak banjir) Bawak balik sardin, lampin pakai buang, susu etc. Tilam pun ada. Pas tu bangga cakap ngan orang ramai dia dapat sardin banjir, tilam banjir.
Bodohla!
Tak pikir ke orang lain yang rumah dia musnah teruk. Sampai yang langsung takde... tinggal tapak je. Bantuan pulak tak sampai ke tangan yang betul-betul patut dapat. Mangkuk nie sedap-sedap je belasah hak orang... siap bagi kat kengkawan lagi.
Satu lagi sedara aku kat Sri Medan, besan aku gak. Dia nie pun mangsa banjir jugak, tapi sebab rumah dia nie tinggi. Dapur je masuk air. Masih boleh lagi tidur kat rumahla. Tapi kereta rosakla. Dia pun mengalah untuk tidak tidur didewan besar dimana semua mangsa banjir ditempatkan. Sebab kesian kat orang yang lebih teruk dari dia. Tapi nama dia tak tersenarai sebagai orang yang patut menerima bantuan sebab dia tak tidur didewan. Mana boleh macam nie beb.
Nie cerita dari mak aku plak. Syukurla rumah aku kat Muar tak kena. Kalau tak abis semua koleksi komik aku (dah simpan lebih 10 tahun) Nie cerita kat tangkak plak. Bantuan sampai tapi tak diagihkan. Tersimpan kat rumah ketua kampung. (Nak bagitau nama tapi tak tau). Sehinggakan mangsa banjir yang duduk kat dewan dah boleh balik... tapi barang tak diberi jugak. Bertumbuk mak aku cakap. Kalau nak menipu pun janganlah jadi ketua kampung yang bodoh macam nie. Barang bertimbun-timbun, orang nampaklah.
BODOH!!!
Nie gambar yang aku dapat kat kat e-mail. Kalau gambar yang ada copyright tu halalkan ajela... bukan aku ada untung pun.
Kepada mereka yang banyak duit tak tau nak buat ape tu sedekah-sedekahle...Jangan asik nak kesian je!
3 ikan dipercayai duyung kelihatan di Mersing
Mereka-mereka nie kengkawan mase kolej dulu tahun 1997/98 - 2000,nak berkenalan dengan mereka?...... Hahahahahahahaaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Balik Kota Tinggi
Balik Kampung. Jauh dan penat. 6jam dalam kereta. Menumpang pulak tu. Boring Beb. Tapi kalau aku ade banyak duit, beli kereta sendiri, aku boleh hilangkan boring dengan bukak radio yang power kuat-kuat supaya boleh hilang ngantok. Naik ngan orang lain nie leceh sikit. Semua nak kene ikut kepala tuan punye kereta walaupun kita yang drive. You know what i mean, right?
Friday, March 02, 2007
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
LAZY DAY ..............zzzzzzzzzz
Minggu paling boring kat opis...
Takde keje langsung. Teringat kat Amirah Aysha (icha).
Kuala Lumpur at night. I'm doing partime job at Gloria Jeans Coffe in KL area.
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